i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
