it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
