Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
