Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
