I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I want a musical about memes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
