i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
