I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
