Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
