I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
