is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I did not marry a roomba.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
