umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
