just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck appropriateness.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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