apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
