I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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