there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
