I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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