Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
