very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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