NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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