someone get that fucking seahorse.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
