i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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