He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
