i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
