I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
