No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
