Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
