Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm too high and old for this...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
