he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
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