oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
