We named our party play list daddy issues
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
