I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
