i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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