One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
