dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
