we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
