We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
