some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
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