Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
