yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
