She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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