Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Girls should come with a carfax report
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
