i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
