So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
