I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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