I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
