I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
