I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is my gift to your gina
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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