why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
