how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
