I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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