The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
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