proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
