like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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